I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
