my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How does one acquire holy water?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
