dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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