I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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