I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
