I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
