you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
