We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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