Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize