the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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