He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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