If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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