Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
