Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
