I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
