so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
