she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
