i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My penis needs a shock collar
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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