lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
