After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
