I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
high people should be assigned attendants
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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