She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
