He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
