Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
