so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
