I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
