Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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