I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
