wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
