Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
