guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
