If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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