did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
