you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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