Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
