If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize