My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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