the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
