The maid of honor just puked.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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