Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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