and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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