It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
