Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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