I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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