Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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