My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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