I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
