why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
