All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
