My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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