No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize