I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
