I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
