i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
