Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
