You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
