My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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