Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
