So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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