I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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