He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
